Dear Sir Matchalot,

I am lucky because I meet a lot of people at my office and also know how to meet online. My problem is I don’t know a good way to ask people out for a date. I am not good at jokes and start to fumble when I try to make a formal invitation. Any ideas on how I might improve my “asking out” techniques?

Signed – Can’t figure out a way to pop the question.

Dear Can’t pop the question.

In case you hadn’t heard, the whole dating scene has been getting more and more complicated ever since the appearance of Internet dating sites. If you can’t immediately identify the meaning of “canned negs,” “personal DHVs” and “opening sets,” you might be so out of date as to be almost hopeless.

The good news is that you don’t need to be a pickup artist or an inside member of the seduction community in order to ask someone out. In fact, it seems to me that most people are wasting way too much time and energy on their technique and strategy and not enough on the very simple task of moving their lips while at the same time engaging their brain. It really is that simple. At the end of the day what you really want is to get someone to go out with you. So, in this article we will review three basics techniques of a successful invite.

For purposes of this article, let’s imagine you are talking to a person that you already know at least a bit. Picking up complete strangers is another art and one that you are probably not yet quite ready for anyway. So, regardless of the situation, all you really need to do is ask one simple question and increase your chances that the other person will answer yes.

Rule number one is to always ask your question in a vague kind of way. Don’t ask, “Do you want to go to dinner with me next week?” Instead, ask if they’ve ever tried the new Mexican restaurant across the street, and after talking about that for a while say something like, “Maybe we can try it out sometime if you have time.” When you pop the question like this, you’re keeping the door open for a gentle let down if the other person really isn’t interested in you. If the other person does seem at all interested, you can then ask something like, “Does this Saturday night work for you?”

Another useful technique is to keep the first date or two very short and sweet. A good standby line for this is, “Hey, you want to stop by for a quick coffee before heading out?” You should be as careful as possible to tailor these kind of questions to fit the likes and dislikes of your potential date. For example, if you know someone hates coffee, then you might suggest a milkshake. Or, if you know the person likes to party, you might recommend a nice cold beer. People are much more likely to accept something casual in the beginning, so always keep this option in mind. People are also more likely to accept something casual, like coffee or lunch, if they don’t know you well.

The third method is to talk about plans that you are thinking about making. For example, you might say, “I am thinking about going to the new mall next week, would you like to join me.” This often comes across as spontaneous and also is somewhat casual so people feel less discomfort if they have to decline your offer. The trick here is to make the offer sound genuinely appealing, so they will feel like they are missing something great if they turn you down.

So, there you have three new, easy ways to help you break the ice. These ideas are also all simple, time-tested and effective. Remember there is a good chance that the person you are talking to is open to being friends, and maybe more later. People are, after all, social animals and most crave new people and experiences in their lives.

Sir Matchalot is a dating and relationship service brought to you by the world’s fastest, easiest and most fun online dating site at http://www.matchalot.com. Email your relationship questions to info@matchalot.com .

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