Are you feeling a little down about your love life because the man in your life stopped doing the “little things” that made it so clear how he felt about you?

Has he become less and less affectionate, to the point where now the only time he caresses you or embraces you is when you ask him to, or if you make the first move?

Or worst of all…

Has your man stopped initiating sex and physical intimacy with you as much as he used to?

If any or all of these are true for you, then something is definitely amiss in your relationship
right now.

The question is…

Why is this happening?

And what can you do or say to change things?

Are you going to have yet another difficult and “heavy” talk about how your relationship is not where you want it to be?

I know, the LAST thing you want to do is “ASK” for more love and affection or romance.

Besides, asking for more affection or romance makes a man think he’s doing something wrong, or
that you’re criticizing him.

This doesn’t set a very good stage for getting that GENUINE affection, does it?

You want your man to be more affectionate because he really FEELS good about you, not because you lodged a complaint and now he’s “stepping up.”

Maybe your past efforts to get him to see the problem have led to him getting even MORE distant,
or irritated with you.

If so, then it’s time you try SOMETHING NEW, something that will get you a new and better response than the usual “dismissive sighs.”

The way I see it, you have two choices:

You can either insist that you just need to TRY HARDER at the SAME things you’ve been doing in order to get things back on track… and that it’s just a matter of him finally “getting it”, so you don’t need to learn anything new or shift your perspective (in which case, you can stop reading now)

Or…

You can learn a new way to INSPIRE the man in your life, UNDERSTAND what’s really going on and then get him to RECONNECT with you.

If the second option is what you want, then keep reading.

TAKE A FRESH LOOK AT YOUR RELATIONSHIP

One of the things I see as being most helpful for both men and women with problems in their love life is the ability to step back and get a NEW PERSPECTIVE on the relationship and how it fits in with their life.

First, start by thinking back to what things were like when you first started dating him.

Do any of these scenarios ring a bell?

…He would call you just to hear your voice or make you laugh.

…He would embrace you warmly when he first saw you, and he would often say he missed you even if it had only been a day since you’d seen each other.

…He would do special things for you, or plan special dates.

…He would absent-mindedly touch or caress you affectionately no matter where you were, or what
you were doing.

Now, however, it seems like things have changed and things just don’t FEEL the same way between you anymore.

And yet – nothing seems to have changed about the relationship otherwise. You’re not fighting.
He tells you he cares about you or loves you.

As a matter of fact, he might actually try to REASSURE you that he still loves you.

So why has he stopped being affectionate and
attentive?

Why is it that now, he is more absorbed in work, the Internet, sports, TV or books, or his hobbies than he is in how you feel, what you need …or simply BEING with you physically?

Perhaps he’s just more “inside his head” than he used to be.

It makes you a little sad.

You miss the closeness.

You miss the comfort of an affectionate embrace or look.

Those were things that just felt RIGHT and felt GOOD before, and you just wish you get that kind of genuine affection back again… because now you’re starting to worry.

Is it something you’ve done or said?

Or is this just how men “get” when things get more settled and serious? And if that’s the case, is there any hope of getting back that affection?

You probably don’t even want to admit this to yourself, but you may even be wondering if he’s
thinking of breaking up with you.

Stay with me here, because if I’m right about what’s going on with your man, you’ll want to know exactly what to do and the critical mistake to AVOID in order to get past this “bump” in the road, so to speak.

FROM CASUALLY DATING TO “GETTING SERIOUS” … WHAT HAPPENS IN A MAN’S MIND

When a man starts to date a woman, it’s all about getting to know her and having fun together.

He isn’t thinking ahead to “where it’s going” or how the woman is going to fit in with his future plans. If you were to ask him about that stuff at this point, he might act like he doesn’t want to talk, or tell you he’s “not sure” or “doesn’t know yet.”

I know it’s frustrating, but that’s just how men’s minds work.

In the early stages of dating, it’s all about fun and freedom for a man.

It’s rare when a man has his “act” together, knows what he wants and can explain what kind of relationship he’s looking for…after only a few dates.

More commonly, men don’t even BEGIN thinking of that stuff until the woman brings it up, or if he’s made up his own mind that he wants the relationship for the “long-term.”

How is this idea important?

Because in the beginning of your relationship, your man was probably more focused on the GOOD FEELINGS that came with the fun and excitement of dating you, and he was still enjoying the relative
“freedom” that comes with being unattached or un-committed.

I explain in much more detail what exactly goes on with a man’s thoughts and emotions from the time he meets a woman, to when he falls for her, to the point where he makes a conscious commitment to her in my 2nd edition e-book, “The Secret to the Hearts of MEN”

In Chapter 1, I explain why men can’t tell you what they’re feeling, how and why they “stuff” their emotions down and how to work WITH their true nature in order to get them to open up and get closer.

If you haven’t read it already I strongly suggest you get yourself a copy of it today, and get up-to-speed with where his mind is.

Now, let’s fast-forward to around the time your man started going from,

“Hey, this is fun and I like spending time with this woman”

to

“I love her and want to see how she fits into my life for the long-term.”

What happens when a man makes a conscious decision to COMMIT to a woman?

He suddenly looks at everything that he has going on in his life – work, school, and his other responsibilities – and he asks himself, “How does my life fit in with the idea of being a PROVIDER for this woman?”

Now, I’m NOT saying that a man thinks he has to provide for you financially – that’s not the kind of “providing” I’m referring to.

I’m talking about being the kind of strong and capable man he knows he has to be in order to take on the responsibility of a long-term COMMITMENT to a woman.

At this point, once he starts thinking “I want to get serious with her” a man will start to get VERY focused, very fast.

He’ll begin to look at his career more seriously. He’ll begin to question the purpose of
his life and where he’s headed.

If either one of you has kids, he’ll start to seriously consider what it’s going to be like to have a blended family.

He will feel like now, he needs to step up and “be a man.”

Because of all these thoughts and feelings, some of them deep and subconscious, a man will often DETACH from his desire for affection and closeness because he may feel that love is a kind of WEAKNESS that takes away from his FOCUS.

And the last thing he wants to feel right now is “weak” and “unfocused” when important decisions need to be made.

I know, it doesn’t make sense. Men often don’t make sense to women.

Think about it for a second, though. Let’s recap:

A man will unconsciously detach and become MORE focused on work and his responsibilities and LESS
focused on you when he’s feeling more serious about you. He will be more “inside his head” thinking about how you will fit into his life.

When this happens, he can often seem to be less affectionate and loving, and it can be a little confusing for a woman, to say the least.

The trick is knowing what to do at this pivotal stage in your relationship.

STEP #1: DON’T TRY TO SOLVE THE PROBLEM OF LESS AFFECTION BY TALKING IT THROUGH WITH HIM

As a matter of fact, the WORST thing you can do is to worry or complain about how you’re sensing that he’s getting more withdrawn or distant.

You know what I’m talking about. It’s when you say things like, “You don’t seem to be as into me as you used to be.”

or

“How come you’re not as romantic as when we first met?”

or, the worst one of all,

“Are you thinking of breaking up with me?”

If you start down this road, he probably won’t understand why you’re feeling that way.

After all, didn’t he tell you everything was OK and that he cared about you?

Your worries and fears will make him feel like he’s FAILING in trying to be a good partner to you.

He’ll start to doubt if in fact he can make you happy in the long-term. He’ll wonder if you can
“handle” the small challenges in your relationship down the road.

I mean, if you think the “relationship is over” because he didn’t call or pay closer attention to you, he’s going to wonder how you’re going to handle it when bigger, more challenging things happen in the future.

And trust me, you don’t want to lead his thoughts down that road.

STEP #2: SOOTHE HIM WITH TOUCH OR PHYSICAL CLOSENESS

When a man is in his “zone” and feeling like he needs to focus and “be a man” for a woman, he can’t help but distance himself from things that he perceives as weak, like sensuality.

This is when you can softly inspire him back and get him “out of his head” by touching, caressing him, speaking softly and generally being the caring and feminine woman he fell for.

A man’s masculine energy is all about “doing.” It’s about work, progress and problem-solving. This is why he can seem so distracted by things like work or his hobbies or his life’s “purpose.”

A woman’s feminine energy can counter all that masculine energy with things that are about “being” and sensuality.

Soft touches, and appealing to his senses with things like music and candles can INSPIRE a man to become more affectionate with you.

Just don’t make the mistake of falling back into talking about the relationship, why you’re worried, and what he’s doing “wrong.”

All that’s going to do is just push him deeper down into himself where he’ll start to doubt your future together.

By being more of a feminine presence around him with more sensual and soothing words and touches,
you’ll make him feel MORE masculine, and more of a “man.” This in turn also inspires him to be more
nurturing and loving toward you.

Talking, complaining, criticizing or nagging does NOT inspire a man to give genuine affection. It only makes him feel INEFFECTIVE and unappreciated for the things he believes he needs to do in order to be a good “provider” for you.

In my “Secrets to the Hearts of MEN”, I take you step-by-step through the different stages in a man’s mind from the moment you meet, to the day he decides to commit to you or maybe even pop the question.

I reveal what it takes to make a man feel that your relationship is “working”, and what common mistakes women often make that lead a man to believe that you’re NOT the one he should be with for the long-term.

You’ll learn every nuance, understand every clue about where a man is at when it comes to deciding he wants to be with you and ONLY you.

More importantly, you’ll learn what it takes to erase all his fears about commitment so that he KNOWS without a doubt that you are the woman he wants to be with forever.

I’ll be frank with you.

Not every man will automatically decide to commit to a woman because he loves her or because it’s been a certain amount of time that they’ve been dating.

For example – just because the holidays are coming up, it won’t necessarily mean he’s thinking, “should I surprise her with a ring this year?”

There are reasons why a man will CHOOSE to commit that have almost everything to do with how he FEELS and how he sees you fitting into his life.

Do you know what it takes to trigger those feelings of complete devotion?

And more importantly, do you know the ways in which you unknowingly can create RESISTANCE in a man to wanting to commit to you forever?

I’ll give you a hint.

One of them has to do with him knowing that he can make you HAPPY.

Another is Understanding Men – what he’s thinking and feeling and you’re not freaking out if things have to change a little for the time being.

Figure out where YOUR man is at in the Commitment stage, and what you can do to have the kind of open, loving and LONG-LASTING happiness you want and deserve.

Best of luck in Life and Love,
Albina

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Men and Relationship

There are specific reasons why a man will make the conscious decision to commit to a woman – or not.

Those reasons often have little or NOTHING to do with:

1) How long you’ve been together

2) What everyone else, including you, thinks he “should do”

3) How much you’ve “invested” in the relationship

A man will want to commit to you simply because of the way you make him FEEL.

If he feels that his life will be better with you in it, than without you, he will want to commit
to you.

But if he’s unsure about the future of your relationship because of some lingering DOUBTS
in his mind, based on what’s happening or not happening in your relationship, then you’re
already fighting an uphill battle.

Fortunately, there is a way for you to know exactly what to do and say to make sure he’s not
doubting your relationship. You have the power to make him feel utterly devoted and committed to you.

It just takes knowing the secret to what a man’s “commitment tempo” is and what it takes for him
to want you, and only you, for life.

To learn what that secret is, start by reading THIS:

“The Secret to the Hearts of MEN”

Now let’s talk about the reasons why men often leave relationships…

***EMAIL FROM A READER***

Albina,

I have been seeing my boyfriend for a year and a half and we have a great relationship on
all levels (intellectually, physically, etc).
However unfortunately we have been ‘head-bashing’ over a certain problem that keeps resurfacing in our relationship and now it has literally come to a point where he wants “time out”. I have a problem trusting him and want to always control situations. I have constantly been giving him nonsense when he socializes with his female friends, and have an insecurity that he will
leave me. It has been very strenuous on him and he actually told me this morning that he wants to be with me but he no longer knows what to do and wants time out of this relationship…

I finally did something right this morning when speaking to him (after reading your last
email on control), I just listened and said that I understood. He said we will discuss it further this evening. I am SO LOST! I don’t know what to do to fix this now, and am not sure
if this is ‘fixable’. I REALLY LOVE him and he loves me, but it has been carrying on for so long
he doesn’t want to hear excuses anymore.

PLEASE HELP me. What can I do to make this work?

I will be forever grateful for your response!

L.J.

***MY RESPONSE***

Ok, I’m going to have to lay it on the line for you because you’re doing one of the worst
things you can do: you’re using your FEAR and NEEDINESS to justify feeling hurt and pushing
your guy away.

Imagine if you were to slap yourself silly, then turn to him and cry and freak out and then
blame him for “making you do it.”

And when he responds by saying, “but you just slapped yourself” you go ahead and get even
more upset, and act even more emotional, and then wonder, “What did I do to make him doubt our future together?”

What you’re doing has roughly the same effect on your boyfriend as your current thinking and
behavior.

Follow me here?

You have to find a way to get this jealousy and fear under control, because no matter how good your relationship with a man might be, or how much reassurance you get from him, it will NEVER be enough for you because your mind will find a way to freak you out.

Those negative feelings will keep coming up (and driving him away) each and every time.

Ask yourself a few important questions:

– How are all your negative emotions, fears and frustrations affecting the man in your life?

– How does it make him think about you, your relationship and future together?

– What thoughts and feelings would he share with you if he wasn’t afraid of you freaking out?

(Hint: being able to listen and understand a man without immediately jumping to conclusions,
criticizing or freaking out goes a LONG WAY towards creating a strong relationship that meets
BOTH your needs).

The good news is that your situation isn’t hopeless or un-fixable.

But there are a few important truths about why men LEAVE relationships with women they really like or even love that you need to know.

REASON #1 WHY MEN LEAVE RELATIONSHIPS:
The Pleasure Principle

Men and women want to feel good in their lives and in their relationships.

If you’re constantly freaking out on a man about something he’s doing or saying, you’re quickly turning into a person who isn’t fun to be around.

He just won’t feel that good around you.

This has a huge impact on whether or not he’ll want to invest more time and energy into you and your relationship.

Or if he’ll decide to give up on trying to fix what’s going on so you can both feel good together.

REASON #2 WHY MEN LEAVE RELATIONSHIPS:
Emotional Experience and the Future

The way a woman acts in “little” situations become indicators to a man about how she’ll
respond when things REALLY get tough in the future.

So if a woman is constantly emotional or negative, even when a man does what he can to
“reassure” her… he isn’t going to believe things will get better the longer he’s with her.

He’s going to feel as if he has to “walk on eggshells” around you, and that doesn’t make
ANYONE feel good about staying in a relationship.

REASON #3 WHY MEN LEAVE RELATIONSHIPS:
Lost Feelings of Attraction

Sure, love is important to a man.

But experiencing those addicting and exciting feelings of CONNECTION and ATTRACTION with the woman he loves are just as important.

Because when a man feels ATTRACTION and love, working out the little problems is a piece of cake.

When he stops feeling that connection, he’ll forget why he’s with you in the first place, and
the relationship will start to feel like a whole bunch of “work” to him.

(By the way, trying to “fix” things by talking about working on “the relationship” is a big
mistake. A man wants to DO fun and enjoyable THINGS together – not talk – to know it’s working)

Sometimes a man will say he cares about you, or maybe even loves you, but he’ll admit he’s not
“in love” with you.

If you’ve ever heard that from your man, it’s a symptom that he’s not feeling that gut-level of
ATTRACTION for you, despite having affectionate feelings for you.

Creating that gut-level of attraction and sharing that attraction is one of the most powerful and important keys to giving a man his own reason for wanting to be with you, no matter
what.

I’m not talking about physical attraction, either.

I’m talking about the EMOTIONAL and INTELLECTUAL attraction that comes from a deeper,
more subconscious place.

REASON #4 WHY MEN LEAVE RELATIONSHIPS:
Neediness

A man wants to be with a woman who brings something BETTER to his life, not take away his
time, energy and emotional “stability.”

So when a woman doesn’t have much going on for herself or her life BESIDES the relationship,
it’s a big red flag to the man.

It tells him she focuses too much on the relationship as the source of her happiness.

She stops hanging out with her friends as much, she stops focusing on her own interests or
hobbies and she feels “controlled” by the relationship in some way.

This not only looks “needy” to a man, but he realizes she isn’t bringing a lot into the
relationship on her own.

How can you tell you’re guilty of this?

Have you ever said this to yourself after a break-up:

“I can’t believe how I lost touch with my friends while I was with that guy.”

“I can’t believe I let him control me like that.”

“Where did my life go?”

“What happened to the REAL ME? I wasted so much time in that relationship, when I could have
been doing things for myself or my future.”

The reality is that no man and no relationship can or should be EVERYTHING to you.

You shouldn’t have to sacrifice all your time and energy on a man.

And the point is, he doesn’t WANT you to. At least, no mature, “together” man will want you to.
(Controlling, psychotic men? Well, that’s another story.)

REASON #5 WHY MEN LEAVE RELATIONSHIPS:
“She’s Trying to Fix Me”

A man can and will change and compromise for a woman. It’s a fact.

I see it all the time when men let go of their “bachelor lifestyles” for one special woman.

But a man has to have his OWN REASONS to change. A lot of women try to change a man by
showing him how it will affect THEM as a couple, not him alone.

People are motivated by things THEY WANT, not by things others want. If you want a man to
change, you have to try to show him how it will benefit him and him alone, not you or your
relationship.

Just remember, if a man is deeply committed to you and your relationship and he isn’t feeling
or experiencing too many of the above “reasons” for leaving, then any issues you have will feel
like small bumps in the road to him.

He’ll be confident, open, and secure about working things out with you.
My “The Secret to the Hearts of MEN” covers the common points of male “resistance” that come up in relationships which keep you from growing closer and more committed on a physical and emotional level.

Go here for all the details and learn how to help a man to address his greatest challenges to a
lasting, committed relationship with you.

Find out how to deal with Men Withdrawal.

Or visit my site and get FREE Articles regarding this topic.
www.dating.albinafabiani.com

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