It has been said that “absence makes the heart grow fonder…for someone else.” I suspect that many people hearing this phrase assume it refers to physical absence. I do not believe that is necessarily so. Two people can spend a good deal of time in physical proximity and still lead individual lives. On the other hand, two people can be physically far apart and become very close.

The important factor is the willingness to share with one another. Any close relationship involves thought, time and sharing. Whatever the reason for the physical separation, both parties must make an effort to include the other person in their thoughts and activities. After all, physical closeness in only one aspect of a relationship.

For example, Freddie meets Carly on line. He feels an attraction and wants to get to know her better. He must be willing to share his thoughts, interests, and ideas with her. She then indicates her desire to build a relationship by accepting his sharing and opening herself up to him. While it is not necessary to agree on everything, it is important to disagree respectfully. A relationship in which both agreed on everything would become quite boring and probably expire rather quickly. On the other hand, listening and truly hearing another’s thoughts can broaden one’s horizon immensely.

Another example to consider might be the separation of a couple who already have a relationship. Perhaps Jeff and Molly have been together for a couple of years. Now he has an opportunity to travel to another part of the country to work. She had obligations that prevent her from accompanying him. Jeff and Molly must agree to stay in close contact via letters, email, phone calls, and visits. Each must be committed to sharing his daily life, successes, and disappointments regularly with the other. They might want to make dates to order pizza, watch a movie, read a book at the same time. While they are not physically together, they could enjoy an activity in which they know the other is participating at the same time. (Sometimes the imaginary togetherness is more pleasant than it would be in reality since Jeff can imagine Molly being in a good mood and she can imagine him having minty breath. Things that are not always true in the real world.)

The point is, it is not the physical nearness that makes the relationship strong and satisfying. It is the value of the relationship and the effort put into it that makes it fulfilling. A long distance relationship is just like any other. Treat the other person with respect, courtesy, and care. Share what you hold dear and hold dear what he shares with you. It has been said that home is where the heart is. Choose to make his heart your home and welcome him into your heart. When the time comes that the two of you can be together again, the physical nearness will seem right and natural. It will be a fitting aspect to the relationship you have shared all along.

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