I know you’ve been there. You got dumped by your boyfriend or girlfriend and you can’t stop calling and texting them. In your anguish, you think that if you stop calling that person he or she will forget about you and move on with someone else. Not true…

The WORST thing you can do when trying to get an ex back is to barrage them with phone calls. Not only will you just seem really sad and pathetic, but you will only push them further away. And isn’t that exactly what you DON’T want to do? It’s understandable that you want to talk to them. But the problem is that you are not in the right emotional state to have a rational conversation. In actuality, you will probably end up making things worse then they were when you actually broke up!

Even though it seems completely contrary to your delusional thinking, you need to have no contact with your ex. I know what you are thinking: that is the last thing I should do. But remember, you are too close to the situation to see the benefits of some time apart. Some of these benefits are as follows:

It gives your ex (and you) time to think – This is not a bad thing. Many times, people break up in the heat of the moment. They break up over stupid arguments or irrational thinking. Sometimes giving the person time to think, with you out of the picture, makes them come to their senses quickly. Or, on the other hand, you might realize that the breakup was actually the best thing for YOU.

It makes them realize they miss you – When your ex has had some time away from you, they will probably start missing your presence. If you are constantly calling, showing up on their doorstep or driving by their house, they will not only NOT miss you, they will probably want to stay as far away from you as possible.

It makes them wonder if YOU have already moved on – The person who does the dumping usually assumes the other person will call and beg for them to come back. When this doesn’t happen, the initiator of the breakup starts to get nervous. They start to wonder why the other person isn’t calling. They start wondering if the other person has already found someone else. This basically tips the balance of power. It’s a blow to their ego that you are not sitting on your couch, staring at the ceiling, dreaming of being back in their arms. The initiator of the breakup then starts to worry and will probably end up calling the other person.

Ultimately, it all boils down to this. If you ever want a chance at making up with your boyfriend or girlfriend, stay focused. Let things cool down and only try to contact the person when you are ready to talk about the situation maturely and rationally.

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