It is a question asked a million times every day: “How can I get my ex-boyfriend back” If you are looking get your ex back into your life, chances are there is no shortage of advice from friends, from relatives, and from TV talk shows, even from Oprah-but the tips that will work for you are few and far between.

One friend might tell you to track down your ex and give him a piece of your mind. Another friend might tell you to wait him out so he will come around to you. Someone else will tell you to start dating again to make him jealous. The problem with all of these suggestions is that they all make you dependent on your ex-boyfriend.

These approaches won’t work. What you need to do first is to take control over your own life. Here’s how:

1. First of all if you want to get your ex-boyfriend back, decide that your goal is not to prove you are right, not to prove he is wrong, and not to do anything other than making yourself happy with the relationship you achieve.

2. It is OK to be upset, but be upset about the right things with the right people. Don’t blame your ex-boyfriend for things that other people did. Don’t blame him for the results of your own choice. But do hold him accountable for his own actions.

3. Be realistic about what kind of man your ex-boyfriend is. It is not all negative, and it’s not all positive. You need to take a long look at the whole balance sheet to make sure this man is a net positive in your life.

4. If you want to get your boyfriend back, never expect your ex to have ESP. If you never told him what was bothering you, don’t assume he knows. On the other hand, once you have broken up, you aren’t going to get him back just by complaining. Make sure you are a net positive for him.

5. Consider just how important that thing that led you to break up really was. If it was something major, like he was a member of gang of bank robbers and he was turning the baby’s room into a drug lab, be glad he’s out of your life. But if it was about how drinks Diet Coke after he’s brushed his teeth, reconsider why that was so important you that you had to break up.

6. Be honest. One white lie leads to another. You don’t have to tell your ex everything all at once, and you can decide you are going to leave certain facts totally in the past. But do be honest in your dealings with him now, and demand that he be honest, too. Just allow him some room to own up to things if this is a new way of communicating for him.

7. Just as you need your self-esteem, your ex needs his, too. If there are things that make him feel better about himself as a man or that make both you feel better about yourselves as a couple, encourage them. Objective accomplishment is a good foundation for building the rest of your relationship.

8. Be aware that there are many ways that men express their feelings, but talk is usually not their strong point. Your ex may not know how to tell you how he feels. He may not even know how to tell himself how he feels. You can give him vocabulary lessons, or maybe you can find other activities that are more enjoyable in the relationship.

9. The next time you begin to get upset, make sure you are getting upset at the right person about the right things. Then take care of the issue with your boyfriend before it blows up out of proportion.

10. You may not want to be “just friends,” and he probably won’t, either, but that doesn’t mean the two of you can’t enjoy your friendship. As you rebuild your relationship you can let your friendship grow to be a lasting, reliable part of your life even when love has its ups and downs

I hope you enjoyed this Article and that it at least helped you with you current relationship situation. My name is Thomas M. Alexander and I have had more break-ups and relationship problems than I care to remember. That is until I got smart and started to use my “Secret Weapon”.

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