Today’s article on “How Can I Get My Ex Back?” brought to you by How To Get Back Wife.

Broken up, recently separated or divorced and wondering “How can I get my ex back?”? If you are in this position then you are asking the correct question.

By asking “how can I get my ex back?” you are displaying a desire to do something about your situation. You are taking responsibility for your own actions.

Most people would spend their time feeling sorry for themselves and ask questions like: “why doesn’t my ex return my calls?” or “Why is my ex ignoring me?”

There is a huge but subtle difference.

The approach of “how can I get my ex back?” is proactive where as the “why is my ex ignoring me?” approach is reactive. This latter approach is putting the onus on your ex to respond. It is far better to ask what you can do to get your ex to respond.

You can do any number of things to improve your chances of getting your ex back. You can also do a lot of harm by doing the wrong things.

What you shouldn’t be doing is outwardly feeling sorry for yourself. Sure you’re hurting. In fact there is a pain where your heart used to be, an ache that just won’t seem to go away. It’s hard to ignore and even harder not to show your feelings. But do your best to project a positive attitude and put on a happy face.

Cry as much as you want when you’re on your own (yes guys can cry too!), but don’t let your ex know about it.

When you are feeling half human and can bear to face the issue sit down and draw up some sort of plan along the following lines:

1. Promise yourself that life goes on. Act as if very little has changed. Keep going to work and keep in touch with friends and family. In fact this is a great time to catch up with old fiends who you might have been neglecting for a while. These things happen when you’re involved with someone. If a friend introduces you to someone new consider going out with them. But don’t do it just to make your ex jealous, do it to make a new friend. They will know you are on the rebound and should treat you accordingly.
2. Plan to get your ex back. Planning means strategy and not a knee jerk reaction. Whatever you do please do not stalk your ex. That means don’t phone them, don’t e-mail them, and don’t text them unless you have something other than your past relationship to talk about. Even then use that as an opportunity to do something different and get their attention. A great strategy is to write them a handwritten letter explaining what it is. Nobody ever writes these days so this approach should spark interest. Think of which envelope you open first when you collect the mail. Is it the one with a handwritten address or the one with a typed address? The request could be anything as small as wanting to personally return some item to them, or to thank them for something. Don’t mention what it is in the letter. If you get a phone call asking what it is just say something you feel should be handed to them or said personally. Create some intrigue. Arrange to meet for twenty minutes over a coffee to deliver your parcel or thank you. Make sure that you have something to deliver or say and keep the meeting down to 20 minutes. If possible cut it shorter than the time allocated. You are trying to create some confusion in your ex’s mind. This is not the way you should be behaving – you were expected to lose control, make endless phone calls and profess your undying love. Well don’t.
3. Work out what you did wrong. This is a tough one because even if your ex had an affair you were partly to blame. That is a bit extreme but I think you get the point. There are three sides to every story – his, hers and something in between. You need to put yourself in your ex’s shoes and understand what he or she has experienced and what they are going through right now. If you can understand why they feel and act the way they do you are half way to success. Knowing this will help you avoid creating the same feelings next time round.
4. Stick to your plan. No matter how hard it is keep to your plan. Do not change a single step of what you have worked out. If you get a phone call always be “on your way out” or “about to hop into bed after a long day and an early start tomorrow”. End with “give me a call next week, if you like. I should have a bit more time then.” I think you get the message. What you’re saying is yes you are happy to talk but right now is not a good time. There is that intrigue again. Taking the call and sitting chatting about old times for forty minutes or an hour is guaranteed to make you fail in your effort to get back together again.

The statistics for getting back together again, and staying together, are not in your favour. Somewhere between 80% and 98% (depending on which figures you believe) of people trying to get back together again don’t succeed. That is because most people ask why the ex is ignoring them instead of how they can get their ex back.

So if you have asked “how can I get my ex back?” continue with that train of thought. Use paper to record your ideas and then sort all those ideas into a plan and act on it. Remember the onus is on you to get your ex back.

“How can I get my ex back?” Good question. The answer lies with the knowledge you already have of your past relationship and this will give you every opportunity to succeed the second time around.

Arnold Kolodziej uses his previous work experience to help people in all walks of life to solve personal problems. If you are trying to get back with your ex and would like some ideas to find the solution to your problem then visit Second Chance and get some advice from the experts in this field. It’s worth fighting for isn’t it?

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