The process of healing after a breakup is a complex one to handle. Often, it is tough on you and also on your ex. There are a large amount of powerful feelings and emotions buzzing around and the act of healing after a break up does require a huge amount of mental strength and backbone.

Now, this may seem scary at first, particularly with that huge void in your heart. It’s not easy to fill that gaping hole. It’s at times like these when nothing else seems to be important. Everything seems unimportant or rubbish. Your favourite tv programmes aren’t hitting the spot anymore. You turn on the radio and you either hear songs that remind you of your time with each other or songs about relationship break-ups. Remember though, you are not the first person to go through this and you will not be the last. Both yourself and your partner (should you still care about him/her) will get through this and will move forward whether it be both of you going your separate ways or perhaps you feel that the relationship can be salvaged?

When you find that you are facing the prospect of trying to heal the pain after a breakup, it can help to follow the following pointers.

First of all, you should not contain your emotions. Do not bottle up the pain. One cannot go through life without pain. When you break up with a long-term lover, the pain feels similar to that you experience when coming to terms with the death of a close relative. Feeling hurt and feeling pain are unavoidable, therefore it is okay to break down a little and cry as needed. It helps to note things down, it may help to scream…you should do whatever is needed to let all of the pain out and move on.

Once you have calmed down and cleared your head, you are ready for the second step. You should try to weigh things up and try and find out where you and your ex are in the relationship. This is vital in order for you and your ex to make the right choice. It is time to think about whether the relationship is truly over. Has it been irrevocably damaged? Or is it possible to save the relationship? Do you want to battle to save it? This is something that you and your ex partner need to come to terms with.

Now the third step. If you have decided that the relationship is over, a bit of essential housekeeping is required. This includes obtaining articles of clothing, cosmetics, cds and any other possessions you value that you have left at the other’s apartment and vice versa. This kind of negotiation and separation is to ensure that nothing is left as an emotional landmine later on in your lives. You should avoid spending time with each other, even if in the company of mutual friends. Once the two of you have completely separated, you should perform a finalizing ritual. This is a symbolic event which will involve creating an effigy of your ex and then trashing it. For instance, you could burn one of their love notes, their photo, throw away their leftover property (make sure they no longer want it of course – this is to make you feel better, not to antagonize your ex), or remove their files off your computer and so on. This symbolic gesture is for your benefit.

At this time, you should use whatever support that is available to you. This can be in the form of friends, family, and other loved ones who can provide emotional support. Even though you have done what you can to soften the blow of the break up, you will still face turbulence. In light of this you will need all of the help you can get as you are healing after a break up.

If on the other hand, you have decided that the relationship is worth saving, you need to take a different course of action. You need to develop a positive mindset, you need to think about what it was that attracted you to each other in the first place and work on re-lighting that fire.

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