Marriage dating is serious business. The people involved are looking for Mr. and Mrs. Right and are on a quest to tie the knot. Have you ever been on dates like that? It can be more like a stressful job interview than a really fun date.

When someone asks you out, you can tell if they’re looking for something long term like marriage, dating to find someone to spend intimate time with, or just dating for fun. The ones that are dating for fun are by far the ones you’ll have a better time with. The ones dating just to sleep with a person can turn out to be users you shouldn’t waste your time with. And the ones looking for marriage put too much pressure on a few simple dates.

If you’re the one looking for marriage, there’s nothing wrong with wanting to get married, of course. But it’s not something you should have in front of your mind when you go on a date. If you ask someone out based on whether or not you might marry them, you’ll probably be disappointed. And if you only say yes to those who seem like marriage material, you might be missing out on someone really great.

So are we telling you to lower your standards? If your end goal is marriage, dating can become a boring chore that’s more like screening applicants than the fun time it should be. And few things will put off the person who asked you out more than appearing desperate for a husband or wife when all they want to do is have some fun.

If you are ready for marriage, dating widely can be helpful, though. Don’t limit yourself to just the best looking person or the one you think might make a good mate. If there’s someone you think you’d have a good time with, ask for a date. Even if that person doesn’t seem to be someone you might want to marry.

In the early stages of dating, you don’t know the person well enough to judge what kind of mate they’d make. Sometimes you don’t even really know this right before you marry someone! So stop pre-judging people and eliminating possibilities too early. All you’re doing is narrowing down your choices for a fun date on Friday night.

If you open your eyes a little and ask (or say yes to) that person who you’ve overlooked all this time for whatever reason, you might be pleasantly surprised. So what if that person doesn’t seem to be marriage material! You don’t really know them well enough to make those kinds of judgments. Put aside thoughts of marriage for now and let yourself relax and have a good time.

This is not to say you can’t find your soul mate by dating; you can. Many people actually do it that way, especially when they’re not really trying. But if you’re too focused on marriage, dating is no longer the fun, social activity it should be.

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