Commitment Isn’t Always Logical To A Man ..
Here I’m going to reveal an amazing way to not just QUALIFY a “relationship-minded” man on the first date…with a 4-Sentence Plan.
But you’re also going to find out what to say to a man when you’re already serious to make sure you don’t ever risk wasting years of your life with a man who will never ‘fully’ commit to you.
Sound fascinating?
Understand that this is important?
If you’re agonizing because you’re not sure where your relationship is headed, and he’s NOT bringing up the topic of “commitment”, you owe it to yourself to find out what’s really going on.
If you’ve been dating a man for a while – maybe several months or even a couple of years – and you don’t already have a solid commitment from him, you’re probably feeling a little off-balance.
You’re not sure where the relationship is headed, and you don’t understand WHY he’s not bringing up Commitment, living together or marriage yet.
You both enjoy the time you spend together and you feel like he really UNDERSTANDS you.
So why doesn’t he understand that in order for you to feel truly happy and secure, you need to know that he’s going to stick around for the long-term?
You need to feel truly loved, and valued – all the things you imagine you’d feel if only he would commit himself to you and tell you that you’re the ONLY ONE for him.
Meanwhile, he doesn’t seem to want that at all. He doesn’t seem to crave it or even worry about it.
Why not? What’s going on here?
It’s almost as if he’d be perfectly content dating you forever. Then he could have his “freedom” and not have to make any promises he couldn’t keep.
At least – that’s the way it appears to you.
But you’re not far from hitting the nail on the head.
A man can sometimes feel perfectly content “in the moment” and isn’t really thinking about a long- term commitment with you. Not in the way you’re thinking and wondering about it, anyway.
If a man isn’t feeling that special “forever” feeling with you, he’s not thinking commitment.
He’ll try to avoid the subject at all costs. He’ll stall. He’ll make excuses. He’ll tell you he’s “not ready” to talk about that right now.
He’ll tell you he doesn’t want to go there quite yet. Or that he doesn’t see himself making that kind of commitment right now…for whatever reason.
If you’ve agonized over a relationship because a man loved you, but wouldn’t commit himself to you, you know how hurtful and confusing it can feel to hear him tell you that you’re great, he cares… but he’s not sure…
Now I have an advice to women on how to QUALIFY a man from the first date, and how to move a relationship toward the commitment you want using only 4 sentences – each stated at a pivotal time
in the relationship.
Here’s my suggested for any woman whose interested in marriage or commitment, no matter what stage of dating or relationship she’s in.
Let’s say that you are still dating around, trying to find the right man. How do you know he’s relationship material? How do you know he isn’t just into a fling, or worse, will string you along for months and years?
I have a plan for you. It’s the 4-Sentence Plan:
SENTENCE #1
This Sentence has to be asked on the very FIRST DATE you go on with a man.
You ask the guy,
“So, (man’s name), do you believe in marriage?”
You may have gotten advice from articles, friends and even from me saying that you should never ask a man about marriage and kids on the first date. But this isn’t what I am suggesting you do.
Notice: You ask a man what he THINKS or BELIEVES, not what he wants or how he feels.
It’s not, “How would you feel about marrying me someday?”
Or, “Do you want to get married someday?”
It’s more of a question about what his “philosophical stance” is.
Men love to talk about their philosophical stance, and you can easily disguise just about any question by asking him what he thinks or believes about this or that…
And here’s the critical piece to this: YOU HAVE TO LISTEN to what he tells you.
If he says, “I don’t really see marriage in my future for at least ten years, ha ha, snicker snicker.”
Then you’d better be OK with waiting around ten years for this guy to commit. That is, unless he changes his mind mid-way through and you’ve now wasted 5 years…
Or if he says, “I think marriage is a sham. My ex wife took me to the cleaners after our divorce.”
Then don’t tell yourself he’s just kidding and he’ll change his mind once he gets to know you.
Many women have WASTED YEARS of their lives with men who from the beginning were dropping hints left and right about how they really felt about a serious commitment.
They just chose not to listen or take it to heart.
So listen up, and take whatever he says seriously. That way you won’t waste weeks, months or years with a man who never intends to commit to you anyway.
SENTENCE #2
This is the Sentence for once you’ve gotten into the relationship and if he hasn’t brought up commitment.
You casually ask,
“I’m curious — do you still believe in marriage?”
At this point, you’ve been dating for a while. You may even be living together, but he hasn’t made a formal commitment to you.
As a matter of fact, everything is going GREAT, he just isn’t bringing up the future or where the relationship is headed.
This is when this question comes in handy. Say it in a very soft, curious, open way. Have an attitude that “anything you say is OK and I’m just curious.”
No sarcasm, no judgment, no waiting with baited breath and a hard stare (with hands on your hips).
At this point he may reply, “Sure. Why do you ask?” …and that’s when you go to the next sentence:
SENTENCE #3
“We’ve been together for a long while now, I feel like marriage is something I’d like to have in my life – within the next year or so.”
There’s two ways it can go at this point. He’ll either open up the conversation or tell you that you “ruined his surprise” and tell you that he’s working on it.
In which case, you may feel relieved.
But if he gulps, goes pale, and looks away and tells you, “Can we not talk about this right now?
Because actually, I don’t know if I’m ready or if I’ll ever be ready.”
Then you need to be prepared to move to sentence four:
SENTENCE #4
“I’m grateful for your honesty, and I love you so much, but I need to bow out of this relationship since we’re not on the same page.”
The key here is not to blame him, not to give ultimatums, and not to try to convince him that what he’s feeling is WRONG and he needs to see it your way.
The key is to STATE YOUR TRUTH. You have a need and desire – regardless of whether or not he is ready and willing to fulfill that need. You will do what you need to do to take care of yourself and you will NOT threaten or beg him to get on the same page with you.
You just need to be ready to do whatever you must do to take care of yourself and your needs…like move out or just start dating other people. Otherwise, you’ll be stuck in the on-again, off- again tract until you go crazy.
The very worse thing you can do is to try to convince him that he should think or feel another way, or that just because it’s been so many years that he must be taking the next “logical” step.
Commitment isn’t always LOGICAL to a man. He decides to commit to you based on how he feels.
He needs to feel that his life would be better with you in it than without you.
He needs to feel like he wants you and only you, and when he thinks of you he can’t imagine being with anyone else…EVER.
Do you know how to inspire those feelings in him – or at the very least, not RESIST you when you tell him that you’d love the relationship to go to the next level?
Sure, you can try to force a man into a commitment. You can tell him that he’d better step up OR ELSE, but that won’t give you the kind of relationship you want.
And besides, you don’t want to have to worry that somewhere down the road he’s going to come to you and say, “You know, I don’t love you and I don’t think I ever did.”
That can happen if a man commits for all the wrong reasons.
But if you can flip the switch in his brain by simply BEING the woman he can’t live without, so that he makes the decision based on how he feels with you and WITHOUT you…there will be nothing that will stand in the way of him devoting himself to you and only you.
To learn how to BE the woman your man can’t live without, and to finally learn what will make a relationship WORK and move forward.
To learn more about Understand Man get “The Secret to the Hearts of MEN”.
Best of luck in Love and Life,
Albina Fabiani
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