Have you ever had a great relationship with a man that should have worked out but didn’t because of his issues?

Then it’s easy to end up feeling frustrated with men as a whole.
If there’s one thing I hear most from all the amazing women I talk to, it’s “Where are all the great mature men?” … Great question.

If you’ve had the same set of issues come up for you with several different men you’ve dated… then it’s easy to believe that most or all men share the same set of frustrating and predictable Relationship Issues.

Unfortunately, when you’ve been through a few bad situations with men in the past, this is often where trouble begins for lots of women – as they learn the WRONG LESSONS from what’s happened to them. The truth is: all men are NOT THE SAME.

And yes, there are some specific situations or problems that some men will respond to the same way as other men (withdraw or leave).

The question for you, knowing that all men aren’t the same, and knowing that men can respond similarly to common problems that come up… The question is what are you doing in your relationships that keeps recreating the same frustrating situations with men – and bringing out the very worst kind of responses from them?

One thing you should know is that men have a very specific list of common things women do that cause them to lose that feeling of ATTRACTION.

What are you doing that makes the man you’re with have that intense feeling of Attraction?

And what are you doing that makes him lose this feeling?

Are you focused on what’s wrong with him and your relationship…and having more conflict and fights as a result?

Or are you triggering that magic feeling of attraction inside him which is the surest way to tell and remind him that you’re the one woman he wants to be with? … I’m going to show you something strange and kind of bizarre that, whether you know it or not, has been and will be taking place in your life.

And this thing also happens to have a huge impact on what happens in your relationships with men.

Tell me if you’ve ever experienced this fascinating and bizarre thing in your life – You hear a new word, or you see a new kind of car for the first time… and then suddenly that thing that you never saw or heard before is EVERYWHERE.

What you had never been aware of before is suddenly all around you for the next few days. You see it everywhere, and it’s almost like someone is playing a trick on you.

There’s a fancy term for this … It’s called reticular activation, and it’s a psychological actual phenomenon that we as humans experience.

Now, I find the fact that we all go through this in our own way FASCINATING. Not because words or cars are that interesting – but because whether we know it or not, we have the exact same thing going on in different areas of our lives.

Especially in our RELATIONSHIPS. Let me give you an example:

I’ve got a close female friend who I’ve known for over 10 years.
Let’s call her Susan.

Susan is an amazing woman – about 35 years old, smart, beautiful, successful, divorced 2 years ago… and she’s been in a relationship with a guy she really likes for about 7 months.

When she first met her boyfriend, she hadn’t had a relationship since her past marriage. And although it took a minute for her to feel comfortable moving back into a relationship, she quickly settled in and was loving it, and her time with him.

But then about 3 or 4 months into the relationship, something happened…

A good friend of hers had her marriage fall apart. And this was the friend whose relationship was the one everyone in their group looked to as the one whose relationship was strong and would last … Well, it turned out that her husband decided to break the relationship off with what was little or no warning, and her friend was crushed.

Susan was really affected by this, and it must have brought back a lot of fear and uncertainty from her past marriage – because as soon as this happened, Susan’s relationship started changing.

I quickly saw Susan go from excited, content, inspired and engaged in her relationship – to having all kinds of doubts and questions about her relationship and the man in her life.

A few months later Susan and I talked and she told me that things weren’t going well in her relationship. In fact, they weren’t together anymore.

She told me that she wasn’t sure about him anymore, and she wasn’t having the kind of connection and communication she wanted from him. She told me that she was feeling like he wasn’t talking anymore, and that there were things she felt he wasn’t telling her.

Each time I talked to Susan and her relationship came up, I could hear this doubt and uncertainty in her voice… and I knew this was the kind of energy she was carrying in her relationship.

After talking with Susan, and hearing what was going on with her, we ended up getting to the bottom of some things that had been going on for her: Susan had been incredibly strong, moved past her old failed marriage, and freed herself up to move on to a new relationship.
And she had found a great guy … But when she heard about her good friend’s marriage falling apart, her buttons got pushed. Suddenly Susan’s attention in her relationship was no longer on what she enjoyed, and what was WORKING.

Instead, because of her fears and her past experiences, her attention and focus shifted to thinking about and watching out for PROBLEMS, issues, and what WASN’T WORKING.

In short, Susan had created a shift in her relationship that had created a kind of “disconnect” from her guy.

And even though her boyfriend was the same guy that he had been, Susan started to see that it was her constant fixation on any potential problems which was starting to ruin her relationship – and cause her boyfriend to feel and respond differently.

And of course the more her boyfriend was affected by her this way, the more worried and convinced she became that there must be something going on with him. So what was the result of Susan’s focus on what could be wrong? Susan started looking for and finding problems in her relationship where there hadn’t been any before.

The moments when Susan didn’t feel quite sure about him and their relationship turned into moments where she started feeling awful inside. And the more she worried, the less of a positive response she seemed to get from her boyfriend.

It seemed like he had totally changed from this open and loving guy to a moody and on edge person who didn’t seem to listen to her anymore.

What had happened to him?

Why was he acting this way?

Eventually, Susan told me that her boyfriend had shared with her that he was feeling “weighed down” by their relationship, and that her constant need to have him help her feel better about their relationship was making him see her as “needy.”

After 7 months of dating, spending time together, and growing closer…her boyfriend ended up telling her that he didn’t think he was ready for such a serious relationship.

Susan was crushed by this, and she didn’t understand why he said that, or what it really meant.
They were great together. And she couldn’t understand why he had changed from the guy he was before.
She didn’t want him to act this way.

She just wanted some reassurance. And he wasn’t giving it to her anymore. If he would just help her feel better, their relationship wouldn’t have these problems.

SUSAN’S “SHIFT”

Here’s where the story takes a surprising and eye-opening turn … After all this had taken place, Susan and I got to talking.

After an hour or so, Susan saw something in a new way she shared with me.

She realized that these “problems” in their relationship were often being created by her own feelings, and that with all the reassurance he was already giving her, getting more from him wasn’t the answer. She realized that even though her feelings were real, she wasn’t giving her best to her relationship anymore, and to her boyfriend.

She had been an amazing partner with him for the first 4 to 5 months, and he was wild with attraction for her and passion in their relationship.

But when Susan’s attention shifted from doing the things that she had been doing that made them feel great together and that made him feel that powerful and intense ATTRACTION for her – And instead she started bringing in more and more problems and uncertainties -

Her boyfriend not only didn’t know how to help her with this, but eventually it got in the way of the strong feelings he had for her and made him feel like he couldn’t make the relationship work.

This was what her boyfriend meant by saying “I’m not ready.”
He wasn’t ready to deal with problems he had no idea what to do with, or no “power” to fix.
He wanted a relationship – but he didn’t know how to simply FEEL GOOD with her anymore.

Susan finally understood a bit more not just about herself, but also about what was going on with HIM.

And this is what really started to make things easy again.

*Hint – if you want a man to feel literally addicted to you and your relationship, you have to know how to make him feel like he’s a “success” in your relationship. If he feels like it’s hard or too complicated for him to do things that make you happy and put your relationship on track, then he’s going to question and doubt EVERYTHING.

Once Susan saw this, and accepted it without ego or blame, she decided to do something about it.
She took her new understanding, and with clarity and ease she reconnected with her boyfriend. I’m glad to say that they’re now happy together again.

In fact, they’re looking at moving in together now and just got back from an incredible vacation together in Hawaii. Susan is doing great after having moved through some of her own “stuff,” and seeing some important new things she didn’t see before about how the way she was affecting the man in her life.

How are your thoughts, feelings, and energy affecting the man in your life?

And how much do you feel like you understand why the man you’re with is acting the way that he is?

So you know… I’ve learned some great things from Susan.

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