How to live in harmony.

Finding yourself in a tiff with your significant other is something that happens to nearly all of us at one time or another.
There are skills you can easily learn to quell tension and find a brighter solution to your differences. Here are a few of my tips for creating harmony, love & friendship in a relationship.
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First of all it is important to know that all people will fight at one time or another, it’s just part of being in a relationship. We are all different so it is only normal that there will be a conflicting opinions from time to time. Then again, if you find that you and your spouse are frequently at each other then it definitely time for action.

What are you really arguing about?

Sadly a lot of couples find themselves arguing most of the time and apart from being very destructive in terms of your relationship, it also leaves you feeling tired, irate and miserable. If this sounds like you, then definitely read on.

Common Conflicts
The most frequent subjects couples bicker about are money, sex, work, children and housework – more or less in that order.
More often than not, rows start over seemingly trivial things however with tolerance and patience together with some simple communication skills, negotiating a compromise can become a whole lot easier. First of all you need to consciously understand what it is that you’re actually arguing about.

Unresolved Issues
It is quite universal for couples to argue over issues that have their roots the past rather than the present. For example, feelings of rejection or betrayal in childhood can set off angry hot buttons in your partner without you realising it.
Take this simple illustration: As a child, Mary was made to do large loads of washing, ironing and folding cloths as a type of punishment. Now grown up and married, Mary seems to become irrationally angry when husband John asks for a clean pressed shirt.

Taboo Subjects
Many couples have ‘Taboo Subjects’ that can trigger flare-ups if even hinted at. This may be the mention of a past girlfriend or a forgotten wedding anniversary. The trick here is not to bury or repress these triggers, but instead they need to be aired with your partner so that they can be put to rest for ever. Failure to extinguish these sources of combustion will almost surely mean they will flare-up again at some future time.

Read Between the Lines
Sometimes quarrels about topics such as money, sex or housework are actually only smoke-screens for deeper issues.
For example, a row about housework may actually be a cry from one partner to the other about having their importance in the relationship acknowledged. And arguing about how often to have sex is commonly a reflection of a deeper need for love and affection.

The Secret to Changing Your Partners Behaviour
Trying to make someone modify their behaviour is next to impossible. The very interesting thing is that changing someone’s way of thinking can absolutely be achieved into a more positive stance with a little skill & encouragement. This technique is so easy it’s almost creepy. Lead by example! That’s right, if you change your attitude by taking responsibility and ignoring little annoyances, leading by example and reacting calmly and cheerfully, you will find that in no time at all your partner will be doing the same. They can’t help it! And the really good thing is that at first they won’t recognize it is happening to them but you will be completely defusing any potential hotspots and at the same time converting your partner into an equally calm and understanding human being. In other words, you get back what you put out.

Always assume the best – at all times give your partner the benefit of the doubt. This reinforces your trust and confidence in your partner. If you do not have any evidence to the opposite, have belief in them at all times.
Examine yourself – why are you feeling argumentative? Could it be that maybe you have underlying stressors? Do a quick self-check and ask yourself, am I very tired, am I angry with conditions at work, am I trying to escape something, is there a negative event coming that you don’t want to face? A quick check of your own feelings & circumstances might well help you to feel better. If you can pin-point a reason why you’re cheesed off then you may be able to take on a more positive attitude with everything else in your life.

Avoid adolescent behaviour
If a argument does take place, don’t fall into the trap of sulking, being obstinate, or worse, blaming. How do you feel when someone else is being patronizing or criticising you for an event. A real adult will approach issues calmly and look for resolutions by listening and give and take.
Own your feelings
Only you know what’s going on in your head and you can’t expect others to read your mind. If you are feeling angry do not blame someone else for your anger. It’s your anger and you own it. When expressing your anger you might try saying: “I’m angry because…”, not “You made me angry.”

Never say never
Don’t use absolutes like “never”, “always”, “should” or “shouldn’t”. Not only are they irritating but very often inaccurate. For example, “You never take out the trash” will very likely get a sharp reaction.

Develop your communication
Improving communication is central to keeping the peace. Often arguments go on and on, just because one or both parties believe they haven’t been heard or worse, they haven’t won the fight yet.
Follow my tips below and you will be surprised just how much better your relationship becomes and how much your overall wellbeing will improve.

Listen
A wise man once said to me, “Glen, you have two ears and only one mouth so try to do twice as much listening as you do talking”. Communication means it’s a ‘two-way’ encounter so don’t forget to pay attention to your partner’s point of view. The correct balance is talk-then-listen for more information …talk-then-listen.

Explore
Make sure you really understand what your partner is saying by asking questions. Try to keep an open mind so you can explore the argument from both viewpoints.

Explain
This is the flip side of exploring. Be prepared to give as much information as your partner requires to identify with your point of view. Once again, don’t wait for them to read your mind.

Empathise
‘The act of understanding and entering into another’s feelings’ Put yourself in your partner’s shoes. Feel what they’re feeling and let them know you’ve taken notice, e.g. “I connect with what you’re saying and understand that you’re feeling upset.”

Express
Say what you mean and mean what you say. Be clear and to the point so that there is no chance of misinterpretations. Stay on the subject.

Stick to the problem at hand
Don’t introduce previous misdemeanours or other things you’ve been meaning to say. Scoring brownie points will only deepen the dispute.

Agree to disagree
Not all battles need a winner and a loser. Sometimes agreeing to disagree can save a lot of energy and irritation.

Laugh
Always try to find a lighter side of an argument. If there’s humour somewhere to be found then don’t be afraid to use it as a good diffusing tool. Just make sure that the joke is not at the expense of your partner.

Use code-words
Another great tool for diffusing arguments is to agree on a code-word to use when either of you feel things are getting a bit heated or you’re just going round in circles. Before you start again, take some time out so you can both review your thoughts in a calm mode.
Remember, who wins the argument is irrelevant if your relationship loses something. Always try to confront the issue – not each other.
Learn more about Sex and Relationships by visiting Glen’s web site. Glen Dene is a foremost specialist in the subject of general men’s sexual health and safe, medically endorsed penis enlargement methods.

If there’s violence
Violence or threats of violence are never acceptable in a relationship and should not be tolerated under any circumstances. If arguments are always aggressive, or you fear your partner, you need support. In the first instance you can call your Medical Professional for counsel.

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