Men and Relationship

There are specific reasons why a man will make the conscious decision to commit to a woman – or not.

Those reasons often have little or NOTHING to do with:

1) How long you’ve been together

2) What everyone else, including you, thinks he “should do”

3) How much you’ve “invested” in the relationship

A man will want to commit to you simply because of the way you make him FEEL.

If he feels that his life will be better with you in it, than without you, he will want to commit
to you.

But if he’s unsure about the future of your relationship because of some lingering DOUBTS
in his mind, based on what’s happening or not happening in your relationship, then you’re
already fighting an uphill battle.

Fortunately, there is a way for you to know exactly what to do and say to make sure he’s not
doubting your relationship. You have the power to make him feel utterly devoted and committed to you.

It just takes knowing the secret to what a man’s “commitment tempo” is and what it takes for him
to want you, and only you, for life.

To learn what that secret is, start by reading THIS:

“The Secret to the Hearts of MEN”

Now let’s talk about the reasons why men often leave relationships…

***EMAIL FROM A READER***

Albina,

I have been seeing my boyfriend for a year and a half and we have a great relationship on
all levels (intellectually, physically, etc).
However unfortunately we have been ‘head-bashing’ over a certain problem that keeps resurfacing in our relationship and now it has literally come to a point where he wants “time out”. I have a problem trusting him and want to always control situations. I have constantly been giving him nonsense when he socializes with his female friends, and have an insecurity that he will
leave me. It has been very strenuous on him and he actually told me this morning that he wants to be with me but he no longer knows what to do and wants time out of this relationship…

I finally did something right this morning when speaking to him (after reading your last
email on control), I just listened and said that I understood. He said we will discuss it further this evening. I am SO LOST! I don’t know what to do to fix this now, and am not sure
if this is ‘fixable’. I REALLY LOVE him and he loves me, but it has been carrying on for so long
he doesn’t want to hear excuses anymore.

PLEASE HELP me. What can I do to make this work?

I will be forever grateful for your response!

L.J.

***MY RESPONSE***

Ok, I’m going to have to lay it on the line for you because you’re doing one of the worst
things you can do: you’re using your FEAR and NEEDINESS to justify feeling hurt and pushing
your guy away.

Imagine if you were to slap yourself silly, then turn to him and cry and freak out and then
blame him for “making you do it.”

And when he responds by saying, “but you just slapped yourself” you go ahead and get even
more upset, and act even more emotional, and then wonder, “What did I do to make him doubt our future together?”

What you’re doing has roughly the same effect on your boyfriend as your current thinking and
behavior.

Follow me here?

You have to find a way to get this jealousy and fear under control, because no matter how good your relationship with a man might be, or how much reassurance you get from him, it will NEVER be enough for you because your mind will find a way to freak you out.

Those negative feelings will keep coming up (and driving him away) each and every time.

Ask yourself a few important questions:

– How are all your negative emotions, fears and frustrations affecting the man in your life?

– How does it make him think about you, your relationship and future together?

– What thoughts and feelings would he share with you if he wasn’t afraid of you freaking out?

(Hint: being able to listen and understand a man without immediately jumping to conclusions,
criticizing or freaking out goes a LONG WAY towards creating a strong relationship that meets
BOTH your needs).

The good news is that your situation isn’t hopeless or un-fixable.

But there are a few important truths about why men LEAVE relationships with women they really like or even love that you need to know.

REASON #1 WHY MEN LEAVE RELATIONSHIPS:
The Pleasure Principle

Men and women want to feel good in their lives and in their relationships.

If you’re constantly freaking out on a man about something he’s doing or saying, you’re quickly turning into a person who isn’t fun to be around.

He just won’t feel that good around you.

This has a huge impact on whether or not he’ll want to invest more time and energy into you and your relationship.

Or if he’ll decide to give up on trying to fix what’s going on so you can both feel good together.

REASON #2 WHY MEN LEAVE RELATIONSHIPS:
Emotional Experience and the Future

The way a woman acts in “little” situations become indicators to a man about how she’ll
respond when things REALLY get tough in the future.

So if a woman is constantly emotional or negative, even when a man does what he can to
“reassure” her… he isn’t going to believe things will get better the longer he’s with her.

He’s going to feel as if he has to “walk on eggshells” around you, and that doesn’t make
ANYONE feel good about staying in a relationship.

REASON #3 WHY MEN LEAVE RELATIONSHIPS:
Lost Feelings of Attraction

Sure, love is important to a man.

But experiencing those addicting and exciting feelings of CONNECTION and ATTRACTION with the woman he loves are just as important.

Because when a man feels ATTRACTION and love, working out the little problems is a piece of cake.

When he stops feeling that connection, he’ll forget why he’s with you in the first place, and
the relationship will start to feel like a whole bunch of “work” to him.

(By the way, trying to “fix” things by talking about working on “the relationship” is a big
mistake. A man wants to DO fun and enjoyable THINGS together – not talk – to know it’s working)

Sometimes a man will say he cares about you, or maybe even loves you, but he’ll admit he’s not
“in love” with you.

If you’ve ever heard that from your man, it’s a symptom that he’s not feeling that gut-level of
ATTRACTION for you, despite having affectionate feelings for you.

Creating that gut-level of attraction and sharing that attraction is one of the most powerful and important keys to giving a man his own reason for wanting to be with you, no matter
what.

I’m not talking about physical attraction, either.

I’m talking about the EMOTIONAL and INTELLECTUAL attraction that comes from a deeper,
more subconscious place.

REASON #4 WHY MEN LEAVE RELATIONSHIPS:
Neediness

A man wants to be with a woman who brings something BETTER to his life, not take away his
time, energy and emotional “stability.”

So when a woman doesn’t have much going on for herself or her life BESIDES the relationship,
it’s a big red flag to the man.

It tells him she focuses too much on the relationship as the source of her happiness.

She stops hanging out with her friends as much, she stops focusing on her own interests or
hobbies and she feels “controlled” by the relationship in some way.

This not only looks “needy” to a man, but he realizes she isn’t bringing a lot into the
relationship on her own.

How can you tell you’re guilty of this?

Have you ever said this to yourself after a break-up:

“I can’t believe how I lost touch with my friends while I was with that guy.”

“I can’t believe I let him control me like that.”

“Where did my life go?”

“What happened to the REAL ME? I wasted so much time in that relationship, when I could have
been doing things for myself or my future.”

The reality is that no man and no relationship can or should be EVERYTHING to you.

You shouldn’t have to sacrifice all your time and energy on a man.

And the point is, he doesn’t WANT you to. At least, no mature, “together” man will want you to.
(Controlling, psychotic men? Well, that’s another story.)

REASON #5 WHY MEN LEAVE RELATIONSHIPS:
“She’s Trying to Fix Me”

A man can and will change and compromise for a woman. It’s a fact.

I see it all the time when men let go of their “bachelor lifestyles” for one special woman.

But a man has to have his OWN REASONS to change. A lot of women try to change a man by
showing him how it will affect THEM as a couple, not him alone.

People are motivated by things THEY WANT, not by things others want. If you want a man to
change, you have to try to show him how it will benefit him and him alone, not you or your
relationship.

Just remember, if a man is deeply committed to you and your relationship and he isn’t feeling
or experiencing too many of the above “reasons” for leaving, then any issues you have will feel
like small bumps in the road to him.

He’ll be confident, open, and secure about working things out with you.
My “The Secret to the Hearts of MEN” covers the common points of male “resistance” that come up in relationships which keep you from growing closer and more committed on a physical and emotional level.

Go here for all the details and learn how to help a man to address his greatest challenges to a
lasting, committed relationship with you.

Find out how to deal with Men Withdrawal.

Or visit my site and get FREE Articles regarding this topic.
www.dating.albinafabiani.com

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