Every marriage has problems. Let me say that again: every marriage, no matter how perfect if seems on the outside, has problems. I want to emphasize this because many couples want you to think they’ve never had any types of issues with their marriage. And a lot of those same people want to criticize you for how you are handling your marriage. It’s my experience that the people who criticize the most are the ones with the biggest problems. They simply aren’t honest enough to admit it.

So if you are having problems with your marriage, what can you do about it? There’s no magic recipe or solution. These things take work. Anyone who tells you otherwise is lying. The question you need to ask yourself is this: is my marriage worth the work? Some people may say no and at least they are being honest. But most people will answer absolutely YES. To most people, aside from their children, their marriage is the most important thing in their lives and they will do almost anything to keep it together.

One of the first steps in repairing a broken marriage is tolisten to your spouse. Many problems start because both people want to talk but neither wants to listen. Sometimes having a partner who listens is all that it takes to make the other person feel wanted and special. So no matter how badly you want to butt in while your partner is speaking, hold your tongue and wait your turn. You’ll be amazed to see how this simple technique can work wonders.

Another step in fixing a marriage is to forget the past. Things happen in marriages; people make mistakes. Some mistakes are bigger than others but we’re all human and we all deserve forgiveness. Now this doesn’t mean you forgive no matter how many times you’re hurt. If a person is continually hurting you emotionally, maybe they don’t deserve to be in a relationship with you. But if you truly trust your partner and you know that deep down they are a good person, forgetting past mistakes can help you move forward. But do not tell your partner that you forgive him or her and then keep bringing it up over and over again after the fact. Either you forgive or you don’t. There is no in between.

Finally, you need to be honest. Lies will kill any marriage. Even the small lies can balloon into larger ones. And once your partner loses trust in you, it is extremely hard to get it back. If you do find yourself lying to your spouse over and over, you need to take a hard look at yourself. Lying to someone is the same as disrespecting them. And if you continue to disrespect your spouse over and over again, maybe you aren’t mature enough to be in a marriage.

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