Few of us have been spared the difficulty of a breakup. It’s a strange thing, but like most experiences during your lifetime the more you experience it the easier it will become.

After a breakup the first thing most people do is to desire to get their ex back. Sometimes even people from unhealthy relationships just want back what they had before, but we have to understand that certain relationship might be better being left in the past.

Other than that, most relationships follow a pretty predictable blueprint. The fist time you meet someone you might get the feeling that this is wonderful, the best thing that ever happened to you. Your new partner can do no/nothing wrong. Then you start adjusting to each other and the freshness of the relationship disappears. Don’t be surprised if the little overlooked quirks from before now become a problem.

How we deal with this tension is usually a test of our relationship. It will take some work to maintain a good relationship, but sometimes when things go wrong one of the persons want out.

If you believe that, despite it being over, your relationship is worth saving, even if the other person made it clear it’s over, you need some guidelines on how get your ex back. Here are four steps you can take.

1. Say that you are sorry

Saying you are sorry is one of the best strategies to get your ex back. Even if it doesn’t work immediately, it’s usually the best first step. Be sure that you say you are sorry for the correct reasons. After a breakup it is easy to blame yourself for everything – do not do this. Remember, it takes two people to tango. Knowing what exactly you are sorry about is critical so whatever you do don’t let the apology turn into an argument.

2. Sit down and have a good chat

Set a time and place where both of you can sit down and talk without interverence. Whatever you do don’t plead or force your ex into this talk. If they refuse, then just go to the next step. If they do agree, you’re going to have to keep your emotions in check. This isn’t the time to get into a fight again so make sure your ex agrees that you have no desire to bring blame into the discussion.

You want to talk about the issues objectively and if you talk strictly about the issues without assigning blame, you’ll get better results.

3. Give him / her some extra space

This may seem counter-intuitive to get back you ex, but remember just because you want to talk to them or see them, doesn’t mean they feel the same way. It is very important to allow your ex partner some space. A brief time away from each other, before you try to win them back, will give you both time to cool down and a chance for them to miss you. If you’re in touch with them all the time, they won’t be able to miss you.

4. Show them you care about yourself

Prove to them that you care about yourself, you refuse to sit around the house waiting for them to call or keep checking your email every few minutes hoping to get their message. Hang out with some good friends, go to some concerts or just pop into the mall on a regular basis. Whatever it is you do be sure to not sit and mope at home by yourself.

It’s best if you’re not home when your ex calls. If you are not home they’ll be wondering what you’re doing, are you with someone else etc. When your ex does call you let the phone ring and see if they leave a message. Wait until the next day and contact them then. This delayed response might shock your ex and will help in getting back your ex.

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